As preached by Timothy O'Day.
"As you come to Christ in faith, you get to look at what Christ will grow you into."
When a woman fears the Lord...
1) She is rare.
2) She is ready.
3) She is rich.
Wisdom and Women
Proverbs 31:10-31
Christ Fellowship Church
Before text messaging and email, there were letters and notes. I know this to be true because I was there. If you wanted to tell someone something, you couldn’t just shoot it away within a few seconds. Instead, you had to write it out by hand and hold on to it until you saw the other person or had a chance to mail it. I remember many times being in class in high school and writing out long notes to none other than the now Mrs. O’Day.
If you were to read our letters to one another over the years, you would see them change. Our relationship deepened and matured. It changed as we grew to know one another, trust one another, and depend on one another.
This kind of maturity is what we need to see when we read Proverbs 31:10-31. If you read this passage and say, “This is what an excellent wife looks like,” you would not be totally wrong, but you would misunderstand the context. These verses are about a woman who fears the Lord more than they are about a wife. These verses are like a letter that show us the status and the maturity of this woman’s relationship to the Lord. Her status is as one who fears the Lord above all, and she is very mature in her fear of the Lord. Just as my letters with my wife show a mature relationship, this is a picture of a mature woman. She isn’t just doing things, she is a certain kind of person. It’s easy for us to focus on the fruit of her life, but before we do that we must understand the root of all that fruit: the fear of the Lord. As a summary of this whole passage, we have verse 30,
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
She is not defined by charm that can be turned off and on; she is not defined by external beauty that will fade with time; she is defined by her fear of the Lord.
What is the Fear of the Lord?
And this should not surprise us. Proverbs ends by striking yet again this concept of the fear of the Lord. This is what is at the heart of this whole book. Proverbs is not about merely doing certain activities and thus being wise. Rather, wisdom is rooted in an overall outlook and attitude, as mentioned in Proverbs 9:10,
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.”
The fear of the Lord may begin with a dread of God because, in seeing him, you know that you are a sinner. Seeing his glory and perfection has the immediate effect of knowing yourself to be a broken sinner who deserves death and Hell. But, as fear matures, it looks like giving God preeminence of place in your thinking. It means believing his words more than the words of others and his promises as more sure than the promises of any other. When you fear God, you will stop to hear God.
And when you hear God’s promises to you in Jesus Christ, you move from a place of dread to a disposition of hope. For in knowing the Holy One, you see that he has given his Son to in order to bear the penalty your sins deserve. This is who Jesus is and what he has done. Jesus is God the Son, the second person of the Trinity, who for us and for our salvation took on flesh, lived a perfect life, died a substitutionary death on the cross, and rose again from the grave. In his death, he took our penalty; in his resurrection, he proves that it is fully paid. One day, Jesus will return to judge the living and the dead, but right now he invites you to trust in him so that you may be forgiven and made new by receiving the Holy Spirit.
Until you receive the Spirit by receiving Christ, Proverbs 31 will only seem like a burden to you. In fact, all of Proverbs will seem like an unbearable burden because it is. You are not able to obey God in your own strength and you are not able to make yourself worthy of God by your obedience. But Christ is obedient where we have failed. By faith, we are counted as obedient with his obedience.
But Christ does not aim to free us from obedience to his word. Instead, Christ frees us from sin so that we may be truly free to obey, not so that we may justify ourselves before God but because we are justified before God.
I want this to be abundantly clear because I do not want anyone looking at Proverbs 31 and only saying, “Look how far I fall short.” Ladies, you will have to say that today. But, if your faith is in Christ, Proverbs 31 is not just a challenge—it is a promise. In Christ, redeemed and held safe by him, you can say of Proverbs 31, “Look how much I get to grow into by the power of the Spirit and the wisdom of God in his word.”
The key difference in how you respond to these verses is Christ himself. Without Christ, Proverbs is law to which you can never live up. But with Christ, Proverbs is instruction into which you get to grow up.
The Aim and Audience of Proverbs 31
Many read Proverbs 31 and find this description intimidating. And this woman, at first blush, is intimidating. She is waking up early and staying up late; she is making clothes, buying fields, managing servants, selling merchandise, caring for her family, and feeding the poor.
But Proverbs 31 isn’t a job description. It is an acrostic poem. As such, it's aim is not to tell you exactly what you need to do but to give you a full picture of a certain reality. An acrostic poem uses every letter of the Hebrew alphabet in sequential lines (first line begins with aleph, next line begins with bet, all the way through tav). Acrostic poems are used to convey two major ideas. First, the importance of a topic. Making this kind of poem is not easy. You do it when you want to communicate that something is important because it forces everyone to slow down and admire it. Second, it aims to cover a topic thoroughly. This poem wants you to communicate a big picture of what it means for a woman to fear the Lord. In doing so, the poem speaks of what a woman who fears the Lord looks like in her most common setting, which is marriage.
Before jumping into what Proverbs 31 says about women, let me make a small but vital issue clear. It is easy to focus on “doing” certain activities and practices when you read Proverbs 31, but if that is where you start, you’ve missed the point. Your fruit depends on your root, and the root of the godly woman’s activities is the fear of the Lord. The point of Proverbs 31:10-31 is to show us what a woman looks like when she fears the Lord.
So ladies, stop and listen. But also, men, don’t ignore this. If you are a husband, this is what you need to help your wife cultivate—not activities, but a fear of the Lord that acts as the root of her life. Brothers, this is what we need to encourage in our sisters in Christ, not merely certain activities but a heart that fears the Lord. Fathers, lead your daughters to fear the Lord above all else.
With all that said, let’s turn now to see what it looks like for a woman to mature in fearing the Lord. When a woman fears the Lord, she is…
Rare (10-12)
A woman who fears the Lord and is maturing to fear the Lord is a rare woman. Now, I am happy to say that I think many of us can be deceived by this reality when we consider the women in our midst. I think our church is full of women who fear the Lord and are growing in their fear of him, but that doesn’t change the fact that in the world as a whole, such women are rare. Look at verse 10,
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.”
She is more precious than jewels because she is more rare than precious jewels. But she is also more precious than jewels because she is so beneficial. Rareness is not an inherently good quality. Many diseases are rare, but people don’t get excited or look forward to catching a rare disease.
The reason such a woman is so desirable is because she is so beneficial. Look at verses 11-12,
“The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”
We will focus on how the benefits him when we look at verses 13-24, but before we turn to the specifics, let’s just focus on this pronouncement: she does him good all the days of her life. She is a blessing to him and, as we will see, her whole family and her whole community. She is valuable because all around her can look at her and say, “You nourish us. You point us to life. You provide for us. You consider us as important. You work for our good.” As we see in verses 28-31, all of the community around her can say these things, but here in verses 11-12 the focus is on this pronouncement from her husband. That is to say, the person closest to her, the one who knows her best, can look at her and say, “You’ve always done what is good for me.”
And why does this woman care so? Again, verse 30 makes it plain: her way of life is geared toward building others up because she fears the Lord. His ways have left an indelible mark on her and his life has forever transformed her (and continues to transform her) to be like Christ in her particular roles as a woman.
So Watch Out
Ladies, you should seek to be such women. Men, we should seek to praise such women. And if you ladies should seek to be such as this and us men should encourage you toward this end, then we all must be aware of the traps that keep you from fearing the Lord.
We constantly swim in a satanic lie of our culture that says to women, “Your looks mean everything and your heart means nothing.” To be clear, the lie isn’t spoken as blatantly as that. If it was, you wouldn’t be tempted by it. But consider what kind of woman is celebrated in the wider culture today. It is women who fit a certain criteria of physical beauty, who divulge their bodies for viewing pleasure, and who claim to be independent of moral restraints and instead live as free spirits who are their own authority. No man and no God have a claim on them. That is the kind of woman celebrated in our age. This kind of woman is not rare, but she is seen as valuable.
Men, the reason that kind of woman is seen as valuable is only because a great number of men in this world call that valuable. You are being called to believe the same lie about what is valuable in a woman and, if you believe it, you perpetuate and harden that lie. If you judge a woman as valuable merely (or even primarily) based on her external appearance, then you are doing two things: you are believing this lie of false value and, second, you are driving down the desire of godliness in women, encouraging them to live in the fear of what you think instead of the fear of the Lord.
Throw out the lie. Do you see in this poem, which is God’s inspired word, the body type of the woman is never mentioned. What is mentioned over and over again is the heart and her standing before the Lord. What are you focuses on as precious and valuable, men? Ladies, what are you investing in and cultivating?
Throw out the lie that will merely lead you to value the same things that this fallen world values and instead take up the truth of God’s word to invest in what is of true value.
But all of this talk of value leads us to consider why she is valuable. This is because she is ready to bless all who are around her.
Ready (13-24)
Verses 13-24 gives a long list of the ways that the woman who fears the Lord blesses her family and others around her by her readiness and willingness to care for others through service. It really is a long list of accomplishments and abilities.
At the risk of dampening its density, let me point out some important context for understanding these verses.
First, remember that this is not a job description. This is a poem that aims to give us a full understanding of what it means for a woman to fear the Lord. If you don’t do all the specifics mentioned in these verses, it doesn’t mean you aren’t fearing the Lord. What you need to aim for is the realities that undergird the specifics of what is listed here.
Second, this poetic description comes from a time in which the home was the base of the economy. In the home-based economy, women were productive in their homes by being active in the family business. Men did not leave the house to work; their house was the place of work. The home was the center of the family's livelihood and the wife and daughters would play an active role in that life. Productive homes in the modern activity will look different than the specifics mentioned here.
The Core Characteristics
As you read through these verses, some core characteristics rise to the surface. What are they?
First, she is eager to care for those under her charge: She seeks out materials to make clothing and does so with willing hands in verse 13; she acquires the food needed in order to care for her home in verse 14; she labors early in the morning to prepare the food for her family and others in her care in verse 15; she considers a field and buys it in order to produce food and sell food for family income in verse 16; she prepares the clothing needed by her family for cold seasons in verse 21; she provides rich materials to make her home beautiful in verse 22; she uses her skills to benefit the family commercially in verse 24.
Verse 14 sets the tone in expressing the manner in which she does all of these things. The word “seeks” means more than searching for something that is needed. It carries with it the idea of eagerness to act. Likewise, she works with “willing hands.” She is not forced to do these things because she desires to do these things.
As the Lord and his ways preoccupy her mind, she wants to be a woman who cares for those under her charge.
Second, she cares for her own body. Look at verse 17,
“She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.”
With the list of all of the activities before her and the needs of her home, it should not surprise us to see that she has to take care of her body in order to be up to the tasks before her. She is considering her responsibilities and obligations and then caring for her body in light of those obligations.
Third, she works hard and finishes what she starts. In verse 15, she is shown to be an early riser in order to complete her responsibilities. In verse 18, she considers her merchandise, is able to perceive that it can bring in income, and in seeking to labor well her lamp doesn’t go out at night—this either means she stays up late or that her merchandise is very profitable, so that she has enough oil. Either way, these verses highlight the fact that she works hard. Combined with hard work, look at verse 19,
“She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.”
You probably know what a distaff is, but I didn’t. It is the rod on which rough fibers from wool are wound before they are stretched out into thread on a spindle. What this verse is saying, then, is that when she stretches out to work on these fibers, she finishes the job and comes away with the goal she sought to accomplish. The work seems instantaneous because she is committed to seeing the task through.
Fourth, she provides for others. She does this in the home and in the community. Verse 21 highlights the fact that she provides the proper clothing for her family ahead of time, so she is not worried when snow comes. Verse 22 shows us that she provides what is needed to make the home comfortable and beautiful. But she does not merely focus on her home. Look at verse 20,
“She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.” She gives to those in need when asked, but she also stretches out (that is, seeks out) those in need.
Fifth, she frees her husband to serve the wider community. Look at verse 23,
“Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.”
The city gate was not merely a place of entrance to the city. In the gates, judicial issues were decided with the elders of the city. With his home in order, the husband is able to make his wisdom useful at the city gate.
She does not free him up for his hobbies. She does not free him up to watch TV. She frees him so that their family as a whole, represented by him, can be a blessing to the wider community.
Don’t Miss The Big Picture
All of these characteristics are good things to work toward but don’t forget that they all arise from seeing and knowing the Lord rightly. Do you remember when we surveyed what Proverbs had to say about work and laziness?
I defined laziness this way:
“Laziness is draining God’s gifts for momentary ease and comfort.”
It is looking at what God has entrusted to you in property, health, and community and then neglecting to care for it because it is easier and more comfortable to do so. It stems from a wrong view of creation because it has a wrong view of God.
In contrast, I defined hard work this way:
“Hard work is stewardship of God’s gifts for his glory and the good of others.”
Hard work is the result of seeing God’s gifts given to you and wanting to care for your property, person, and community as gifts. Stewardship is not ownership. Stewardship cares for things that do not ultimately belong to us and things for which we must give an account.
When we understand who God is, we see all things as belonging to him and therefore as things that we merely have stewardship over. And when we see how good God is, we want to labor to care for the things he has entrusted to us.
When you look at these characteristics in verses 13-24, what does this behavior and attitude reveal? She fears the Lord and works hard because she sees all of these things as stewardship.
Ready, Not Omni-Competent
These verses show us that a woman who fears the Lord must be ready and willing to serve as a stewardess of what God has entrusted to her. But don’t fall get confused and think that being ready to serve means you have to be omni-competent, rising up early, going to bed late, making clothes, and buying fields.
Here is what being ready means: you accept the call that God has given to you for your life right now. The woman who fears the Lord surveys the needs of those put under her care and then, with a ready and willing heart, stewards what she has been given.
Here is a test to see how you are doing in regard to fearing the Lord. Do you think and act as if the following statement is true? “I will steward what I have in my life as if it is gift of God when I have what I want.” That isn’t fearing the Lord. That is living in the idolatry of self that says, “I’ll consider serving God with a grateful heart once he obeys my personal whims and desires.”
Don’t live in the idolatry of self that says,
“When I have a husband, I will fear the Lord…”
“When I have children, I will fear the Lord…”
“When I have the house I want, then I will fear the Lord…”
“When I…” fill in your excuse, “I will fear the Lord.”
Why wait? Wisdom begins with fearing the Lord and true and abundant life is experienced in fearing the Lord. If you fear the Lord, you will have great joy and benefit, which is our last point.
Rich (25-31)
The world promises a false wealth to women. It says, “Make yourself an object, and you will be praised.” But then you are an object and not a person. The Lord says, “Fear me, and you will have true wealth that no one can take away,” and she does. What is this true wealth?
Let’s point out four treasures
First, she is free from anxiety. Look at verse 25,
“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.”
Anxiety arises from fear of what you cannot control. There are two kinds of fear: godly fear and sinful fear. Godly fear is a righteous concern that leads you to act in appropriate ways. It is a godly fear that overcomes you when seeing smoking causes cancer, you don’t smoke. That fear is right and good. But if you are constantly afraid of getting cancer, then that fear has become inordinate and you are trying to control things and take responsibility for things that are not yours.
Fearing God is trusting God. It says to God, “I will steward what you have placed in my hands to act on and I will trust you with all that is yours.” Anxiety tries to take responsibilities and prerogatives that belong to others, including God, and make them your own. Here is the problem: you can’t control those things, so you just end up an anxious wreck.
The riches of a woman who fears God is peace when she thinks about the future because she has fulfilled her responsibilities and trusts God with the rest. This doesn’t mean hardship won’t come. It means she knows that if it does come, it comes from the God who does her and cares for her.
Second, she pours out words of life. Look at verse 26, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”
The woman who fears the Lord will make sure you hear the Lord. And, if you are listening to the Lord in his word, then you will be able to speak his wisdom to others when they are in trouble.
Additionally, as she speaks this wisdom, it comes out with kindness. The word for kindness is the same word that is used to speak of God’s covenant love for his people. The woman who fears the Lord is one who experiences the richness of God’s covenant love for her in Christ. As she experiences that love, she is able to speak it to others.
And, if you have not experienced it, the only thing better than experiencing such love is to provide that kind of love to another. Doing this allows you to enter into the joy that God has and is.
Third, she has the joy of productivity. Look at verse 27,
“She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”
Not everyone likes the feeling of working hard, but everyone loves the experience of having worked hard. I think of this every time I go running. Before I run, I do not want to go. Often as I am running, I do not like that I am running. But after I am done, I have never regretted having done it. Idleness is pleasant in the moment, but bitter in the long wrong.
A life lived in the fear of the Lord is a life that is often hard and may not feel pleasant, but it provides the rich satisfaction of having lived well.
Fourth, she is publicly vindicated. Look at verses 28-31,
“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.”
This is God’s view of the matter. Ladies, it is hard to fear the Lord when the world celebrates the opposite of what God calls good. But here is God’s promise: one day, those who depend on charm and outward beauty for joy and acceptance will be put to shame. Those who fear the Lord will be praised as excellent.
Don’t trade eternal joy for a meal that is here for a moment and gone the next.
What Will You Choose?
In the first section of Proverbs, we meet lady wisdom, who is wisdom personified, and lady folly, who is the personification of the foolish rejection of God and his wisdom. Chapter 9 of Proverbs left us asking this question, “Who will you choose? Lady wisdom or lady folly?” Those are two paths of worship in which the rest of Proverbs instructs us. Here, at the end of Proverbs, we meet the woman who fears the Lord and we see how valuable and praiseworthy she is. And we can conclude by asking a similar question
Ladies, who you worship will determine who you are. Do you want to focus on beauty that time and sun will erode? Or will you focus your life on the fear of the Lord instead?
Gentlemen, who you worship will change how the women of this world are formed. Do you want to tell them with your words, choices, and attitude that beauty really is skin deep? Or will you fear the Lord and teach them to do the same?
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